Diary of My Leg Repair

My leg is

OUCH!! On June 1, 1996 I was playing football on the beach, and after catching a pass I turned to change direction and pick up speed. Unfortunately, my left leg decided that wasn't what I was going to do. It bent backwards, and tore lots of ligaments and the nerve on the left side of my knee.

    Go to these Web Links:
A document describing Normal Knee Anatomy
A list of terms useful to understanding Knee Anatomy

6/2/96 - Everyone came back to Orlando. I was in a a lot of discomfort and pain.

6/3/96 - An early visit to the primary care physician didn't reveal anything new, but it did get an approved appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon.

6/4/96 - Met with the surgeon. Looks like most of the ligaments in the left knee are torn. The lower leg moves in directions it shouldn't. The doctor was also concerned about the numbness and immobility on the top of the left foot and left calf. This might be possible nerve damage. He prescribed more of the same pain medicine, and scheduled an MRI for early Thursday morning.

6/5/96 - Learned more about MRI. These are often done to look at nerve damage in the brain and spinal cord, but my doc wants to look at the nerve damage in my leg. This concerns me since I can't curl up my toes or bend my foot up. Possible permanent damage. MRI is 7 A.M. tomorrow.

6/6/96 - I laid in the MRI tube motionless for about an hour. They just filmed my knee. I'll pick up the pictures tomorrow to deliver them to the surgeon's office. I'll meet with him on Monday. Surgery is scheduled for next Friday at 12:00.

6/7/96 - The swelling is still pretty bad, but it might have gone down some. There seems to be a little less pain, but I still can't curl my toes or foot up. My wife picked up the MRI prints today.

6/9/96 - I downloaded a bunch of info on knees from the Internet. I've had a medical dictionary, so I looked up all the terms I didn't know. I learned a ton of stuff I knew nothing about.

6/10/96 - We went to see the surgeon this morning. My ACL (one of the knee ligaments) is torn, my lateral (outside) collateral ligaments are torn, and he's not sure about the rest. He will have to study the MRI results for more details.
The damaged nerve is on the lateral side of the knee, where most of the damage was.
Odd that I had a small tear in the anterior (front) part of the medial (inside) meniscus (the knee cushion made up of cartilage). That should heal okay.
The operation is Friday at noon. I have to get to the hospital at 6 A.M. He will be cutting a nice incision on the inside of my left knee, about 6-8 inches. He'll be stapling and setting screws to put things back together. He mentioned drilling for bolts, but I may not need that at this point. Sounds like I may have to go back for another operation in about 6 months. Oh joy!
I'll be in the hospital (Florida North) starting Friday for 3-4 days. The doc said I'd initially have a cast, but it didn't sound like I'd have it for long. Then comes the brace and the (fun -- not) physical therapy.
My knee has been pretty uncomfortable. Someone gave us a lazy boy, so I use that when I'm on the computer. Much more comfortable, but then that's still only relative. I still have to keep my leg propped up as high as possible all the time.

6/11/96 - The day started out with the knee in a lot of pain. The pain medicine wears out during the night. Once I took the medicine (Percocet(oxycodone)), most of the pain went away. Starting Thursday I won't be able to take the medicine anymore, to prepare for the surgery.

6/13/96 - Funny. Earlier this week they said no Percocet on Thursday, but my wife called today and they said it's okay. Makes a big difference in the amount of pain. My knee surgeon will have a micro-vascular surgeon at the operation tomorrow to work on the nerve damage. I go to see him for an office visit today. My knee surgeon said that if my nerve is broken, it can be repaired, but the progress rate is 1 inch per month, giving me a 2-3 year recovery for the nerve damage. If the nerve is only bruised or stretched, it won't take as long. I'm anxious to get the recovery started, out of the limbo state I'm in now.
(Returned from micro-vascular surgeon's office)
Wow, I heard today that the operation will take 5-6 hours. The micro-vascular surgeon expects it will take him about 4 hours to repair my nerve. He will probably have to pull a long nerve from my right (good) leg, that is only used to give feeling to the right side of my foot, to replace damaged or missing areas of the nerve at my left knee. That means permanent loss of feeling on the right side of my right foot, but it should give me eventual mobility to my foot and toes of my left foot.

Stay tuned. I'll have the laptop at the hospital, so hopefully I can dialup and give an after-the-fact update.

6/16/96 - Well, this has certainly been an interesting trip. The surgery Friday lasted about 5 hours. The knee surgeon said he has not seen a knee as bad as mine was, short of total separation. The nerve was shredded, so the micro-vascular surgeon has to pull a nerve from my good right leg to replace 9 inches of damaged nerve on me left leg. Plus, there was extensive ligament damage, with a little muscle and meniscus (cartilage) damage.
I am in a mid-thigh to toes plaster cast. It weighs a ton!! Just to move my leg takes so much effort. Plus, I have the incisions in my right leg where they took the nerve, and an IV in my left arm.
I have to keep my left leg elevated at all times, except for trips to the restroom. I'm hoping to get out of the hospital Monday or Tuesday. The bed's getting a bit uncomfortable. I was taking Morphine, but am now on pills for the pain.
It doesn't seem real.

6/16/96 (late) - Whew. I've been able to emotionally handle this trip so far, but tonight kind of shook me. The micro-vascular surgeon came to visit me for the first time since surgery. He's the one who repaired my nerve damage. It turned out I had dislocated my knee. Doesn't sound serious, eh? He said that rarely happens. He said watch football games - you will not see dislocated knees. Damages, but no dislocated. He then told me that 30% of the time a knee is dislocated, they have to amputate. That shook me. Even now as I type that is hard to handle. As messed up as my knee was, it was so close to much worse. I remember feeling the knee pop backwards, then back into place, being relieved at the time that it went back into place.
Looks like I will be able to go home Monday. My wife and kids (and myself!) are ready for me to be home. My morphine IV has been out most of the day, and I can lift my leg on my own (the plaster cast feels like it weighs 15 pounds!). I'll be out of work this week, but will probably be back at work in a week if we can figure out how to keep my leg raised. I'll have my cast for 6-8 weeks. I have the staples on my right leg incisions for 7-10 days. I'm having to do a lot of physical therapy now (leg lifts, thigh tightens, etc.), and will be doing a bunch more once the cast is off.

6/17/96 -- My knee surgeon stopped by this morning, and okayed my release from the hospital today. He also said this Friday he'll take off my mega-cast, and replace it with a hinged knee brace and a fiberglass knee cast. Looks like I'll be back at work on 6/24, a week from today. The afternoon of 6/24 I'll get the staples removed from my right leg.
I still can't believe I came that close to losing my leg entirely.

6/19/96 -- My left leg is a bit uncomfortable. Once the pain medicine wears off during the night, it's a challenge to sleep. Monday night I tried to tough it out, but had a lousy night. Last night I tried for an hour, but then woke my wife up to get the pain medicine. Tonight we'll leave it on the bedstand.
Boy, I was out of it today. I got about 4 hours of work done yesterday, but was struggling today.
Isn't it funny how you feel invincible while you are healthy? Not that you feel all-powerful, but you just assume things won't change. Before this accident I've had practically no health problems. Then wham! This helps me to see firsthand how fragile life is. Things could certainly have been worse (amputation!), and I have good chances for recovery. What about those with permanent or deteriorating illnesses?
I'm looking forward to Friday to get my cast off, for the brace. So, my real challenge it to enjoy every day, instead of wishing for it to be over to get closer to comfort and healing. If I don't know how to enjoy life in some discomfort, it might be hard to enjoy it during comfort!

6/23/96 -- It's wierd. About a week after my accident, the area of my left foot surrounding the arae where I lost feeling began having sharp pains, almost like the painful part of when your hand has fallen asleep but starts to regain its feeling, ya' know, that tingling feeling. But painful. Now my right foot is having those same pains, in the area around where I lost feeling. I can't bend my knee with much pressure or the pain level goes way up. Kinda hard having both legs wacked. The right leg has held up well, despite the 2 large incisions and having to use it all the time to walk.
Nights haven't been too bad, except I wake up like clockwork just over every three hours. That's when I feed myself the pain pill. I can sleep fairly well. Last night I got a bonus in that I slept from midnight until 5:30 without waking. Felt strange. Maybe the pain level is diminishing. I still am either in pain or discomfort pretty much all the time.
The removal of the cast on Friday was wonderful. I now wear a foam/velcro brace (with some metal support) -- much lighter! And they didn't put my foot in a cast, so it kinda just hangs there, but it's free, and still swollen. The doctor said I'll have swelling for maybe 6 months. Man, this is going to be some trip! I may get to start some mobility in my knee in 3 weeks.
I taught my adult Sunday School class this morning, with my leg propped up in a chair. I tried to go to church, hanging out in the back pew with my leg up on the bench, but had to leave half-way through because of pain. It comes and goes. It hurts now, but I can concentrate enough to type. Still another hour before the next dose of pain pills.
Tomorrow I get the staples out of my right leg's incisions. Odd -- my left leg incision (10 inches?) was sewn with sutures underneath the skin, by the nerve surgeon (the micro-vascular surgeon). I found out the tools he used to do the nerve transplant are so small the naked eye cannot see them -- he worked the entire time (his portion was 3-4 hours) under a large microscope.

6/24/96 -- I had a good checkup today. The nerve doctor took out the staples on the incisions on my right leg, and I only felt a little pinching. He said he sewed the incision on the long cut on my left leg with internal sutures so it wouldn't look like Frankenstein. He tapped under my leg to search for feeling, and it buzzed, which he said was a good sign that the nerve graft is taking. He tapped next to my top incision in my right leg, and even though the nerve is gone, it buzzed on my right foot. He explained that it was my brain doing things it remembered to do. That will go away. He said the nerves are relatively poorly understood, in particlar why your body reacts the way it does in certain situations.
He said until I get my muscular movement back in my left foot, I should run with army boots (when I will be able to run) to keep my ankle/foot at about 90 degrees.

6/25/96 -- Pain. It's not much fun having constaint pain. Today hasn't been a particularly good day. I tried to work early a few times, but was too uncomfortable. Maybe my will to resist is different each day.
This makes me wonder how soon I'll be able to put in a full day at work.
My wife and kids have been real champions. My wife has always been very giving, and unfortunately I'm now requiring her to give even more. My kids are pretty good kids, but they've stepped up to this. Brian, 3, picks up my crutches whenever I stand up. Katie (almost 5), Jenna (8), and Brian get things for me, carry things for me when I walk, and give me hugs to make my leg feel better. It's neat to see them step out of the usual childish selfishness to be real helpers.

6/30/96 -- Still got that constant pain. I've talked to a number of other folks who've had knee surgery, and it seems like they didn't have the kind of pain I've been experiencing. I think it's due to the nerve damage -- my leg got severely traumatized, and the leg just can't push the blood back to the heart like it should. I think it's the swelling that gives me the most pain, not the surgery itself. In fact, my right leg with the 2 inch and 4 inch incisions hardly bothers me.
Folks ask about moments of depression. I don't think I've had one moment of depression since the accident. I guess the emotionally challenging moments are when I think about not being able to walk or run with the kids, and being troubled by how little I can physically do. Obviously there are much worse situations, but it bothers me that I can't even help my wife pick up toys off the floor.
Folks also ask if I'm getting bored or going stir crazy at home. Funny, I thought I'd be able to get caught up on stuff at home, but I still don't have enough time to do all I'd like to do. Especially with doing work from home, and resting when I'm tired.
What gets to me the most is having to keep my leg up at all times. If I let it rest on the floor, or stand, for more than a few minutes, it gets very uncomfortable. Obviously, attending the CBIS open house on Saturday was physically quite a challenge. I was exhausted afterwards, and in a bit of pain.
What used to be a challenge was the bed sores, or almost getting them. It got to be where I couldn't sit certain ways because my butt was so sore at that angle. I must have callouses now, or something, because I haven't had that problem for about a week.
Folks have been telling me to take it easy. Good thing I have the PPP dialup. My boss said to go ahead and stay at home, and don't push it, and to work from home as much as I can. I do tend to push it, and, boy, it wears me out when I've done too much. So I'll work from home at last another week. That way I can break up my day with periods of rest.
Here's hoping and praying my pain goes away soon, the swelling subsides soon, I can start using my left leg soon, and the transplanted nerve lives and soon (1 year?) will be telling my muscles once again to lift my foot.

7/1/96 -- I think I've figured out my pain cycle. I take the medication every 3 hours, because I've found that's when my body is ready for it. In that 3 hour cycle, it takes the first hour for it to really kick in. The middle hour I can get relatively comfortable, and the pain is at a minimum. The third hour is when I can feel it wearing off. I'm in the middle of the second hour now, so I can concentrate pretty well.
Boy, the last 2 nights have been long ones for me. I've had a difficult time getting comfortable. That makes it hard during the day, because I need more rest. I still get a lot of sleep, but waking up every hour breaks it up too much.

7/4/96 -- I like to think that my pain is unique, but I don't think it is. I talked to my brother tonight, and he said when he hurt his knee ligaments 6 years ago he remembers being in a lot of pain for awhile. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my operation. I haven't felt any change. My right leg is stronger since it carries all my weight, and I'm getting better with the crutches.
What's next? I'm looking forward to being able to bathe or shower normally. Not that I mind my wife helping me, but I hate being such a burden (she tells me I'm not). A friend came over yesterday for 5 hours to be a go-for for me, just doing things around the house that I should be doing but can't. Thanks, friend. The doctor told me I'll have swelling for possibly 6 months, and that's what causes the most pain. I'm looking forward to just being able to stand up for periods of time without my leg turning purple and being in pain.
My butt was really sore this morning. I'll have to try to move more during the night tonight. That's makes it hard to sit and try to do work during the day.
I'll definitely be in at work next Monday, after a morning doctor's appointment.

7/8/96 -- I saw my knee surgeon this morning. He's changed my brace to allow a 40 degree moveement (from 20 degrees to 60 degrees). That feels much better. With my cast off, there was looseness in the leg, but those ligaments will tighten as I progress. Best thing is that he'll allow me to take my brace off to take a bath or shower! But I'll really have to be careful then not to re-injure it -- both of my doctors said it's easy to become complacent during that time so re-injuries occur.
I'm at work today.

7/9/96 -- A bath! Yes, last night for the first time in 5 weeks I was allowed to remove my brace. Just the feeling of my skin breathing fresh air was great. And with the leg floating in the water, I felt no pain.
Even though I'd had the brace removed on my handful of office visits, I didn't really get a chance to take time to look at it until last night. My wife was concerned by the look on my face. It's hard to describe how I felt. It wasn't depression or worry. My leg has shrunk significantly due to lack of muscle use. The difference between the size of my legs is significant. Plus, my leg looks and feels lame. I don't really know what I felt, but it was difficult to look down at my leg in the shape it's in. I know it's temporary, and things could certainly be worse. My wife wants me to be strong, despite the challenge. She needs that, and I can do it. Just some moments give me a momentary setback.

7/12/96 -- My guess is I won't be able to start the physical therapy until my damaged ligaments tighten up. That'll probably take about 3 months. I keep hearing how much fun (NOT!) physical therapy is going to be. In the meantime, I try to move my leg as much as I can to keep it working.
I've always had very tough callouses on the bottom of my feet. Well, after 6 weeks with practically no walking, my callouses are falling off! Well, I guess I won't be able to walk on beds of nails for awhile! This reminds me of the person who asked his doctor if after throat surgery whether he'd be able to sing. His doctor said "Sure!" He replied, "That's great, because I couldn't sing before!"
Yesterday the skin under my arm where the crutches brush against started getting sore. I guess that means I need to cut down on my travel.
I've started hopping around for the short distance travels, because that's easier than getting the crutches in place, just to travel 10 feet. I'm getting to where I can balance pretty well on my good foot, like to stand up from a chair and to hop. Someone said I look like Karate Kid, with my arms out and my one leg in front of me. Now the hopping has started to bother my good foot, so back to using crutches as much as possible.
I came to work barefoot on my bad foot today. The shoes and socks were irritating my foot, and I didn't even know it. There are red marks. Since it's numb, I can get injured and not realize it. I figure I better let it get some air to heal, cuz it LOOKS like it should be irritated.
I stood in front of the mirror today, with no brace on, comparing legs. Not too bad. I think what I'm getting is a little muscle atrophy and no fat atrophy. That's not fair, is it! If I'm forced to lose muscle, the fat should go with it!
I hope and pray that my nerve will grow back, so I can retrieve the upward movement in my foot. This morning I was realizing that if it does not, I'll have a limp foot for the rest of my life. Well, it could've been worse. I can't do anything about it anyway, except leave it up to God.

7/17/96 -- Who says I can't play sports now?! Why, this past Saturday my kids were playing volleyball with a balloon in the house, and they let me play the net by lying on the floor!
The simple things in life... Alas, some are not so simple these days. I was in the kitchen, and there were a few bread crumbs on the floor (we DO have 3 kids!), and I got one on the bottom of my good foot. Okay, normally I can brush it off, or something, but what do I do now?!?! All my weight is on that foot. Gosh, maybe I can balance on the crutches, lifting my foot for a moment, and brush it against something... Anyway, life is not as simple as it used to be.
The day I was injured I had brought a hacky-sack to the beach. The trick to kicking it up is to give a little flick of the foot, kicking it back in the air. I was thinking recently that if my left foot's nerve doesn't recover, so I can raise my foot, I won't be able to do hacky-sack with that foot. But hey, things could be worse!
My wife and I were crazy enough the other day to brave the mall. I got too tired, so we got one of those mall wheelchairs. My kids thought it was great cuz they could get for rides in my lap. Yah, real comfortable for me, eh? Well, I probably won't go on any more mall walks for a while.
My wife and I saw the movie "Phenomenon" last Saturday. I brought a pillow and threw (i.e. carefully placed) my leg over the arm of the open chair next to me. I did okay.
I'm looking forward to being able to stand up without the swelling. Looks like that won't be for a few months.

7/18/96 -- Stupid! That's how I felt last night after almost tumbling. I was in my daughter's room puting her to bed. My crutches were on the floor, so I just tried to hop over one to get to the bedside. Didn't make it. My bad leg kinda slammed on the ground and I started to fall but caught myself on her dresser. Katie (5 years old) was concerned, and rushed to pick up my crutches to help me. Man! Walking without one leg is kinda like driving a motorcycle -- any accident is not trivial.
My nurve surgeon warned me about the point in my recovery when I get to be like a pilot who has 500 hours -- just enough experience where you THINK you know what your doing, but you really are not there yet. That's when most accidents occur. He warned me not to get too complacent with the knee so I don't re-injure it.

7/19/96 -- I'm glad my injury was to my left leg and not to my right. I ought to be able to drive in maybe a month. Plus, my right leg is stronger and more coordinated, which helps when standing up or balancing to do things like shave. I was thinking that if I injured my left leg so relatively easy, my right leg may also be vulnerable for a similar injury. Hopefully it is getting stronger because I depend so much on it, which should help prevent an injury there.
I still need the pain medicine. I really don't like taking medicine (I almost never even took aspirin before). But now, when I delay taking it (which I do fairly often), I can feel each area of heeling more acutely. So down goes another pill. Right now I'm taking a narcotic (Vicodin(hydrocodone)), so I purposely delay at times to I don't physically become dependent on it.

7/25/96 -- I still discover things with my bad knee. Yesterday morning when I had my brace off, I noticed that the left side of my calf was numb. Funny I hadn't noticed that before. I realized that the nerve damage affected more than I originally thought.
I went to see my knee doctor yesterday morning. I guess my progress is okay, because he allowed the control mechanism on my brace to be opened so I have complete mobility (i.e. full extension, full flexion). So now, instead of my brace limiting how far I can bend my leg, it's my ligaments. I'm guessing I'm getting about 10 degrees to about 80 degrees before my ligaments reach their new limit. I'll be working on stretching that to get it back to normal.
In three weeks I return to see the knee doctor again, and he said I'll be able to start putting weight on my bad leg, and will start physical therapy then. Good news, but I hear it'll be a lot of arduous work.
Just when I'm getting comfortable with my prognosis, I get another wrench thrown in. I had understood that the trauma in my leg was what was causing the swelling. Well, turns out a significant portion of the reason for the swelling is the lack of communication to the muscles affected by my damaged nerve. Those muscles can't be activated to push the blood back up to my heart. What that means is that until my nerve repairs, I may have swelling problems. And if the nerve never returns, I may have a permanent swelling problem, to an extent. Yucch.
The doctor allowed me to start driving, so I drove to work today by myself for the first time since the accident. Feels strange driving again after 2 months off. It's great that I can flex my left knee now, cuz it would be really hard to get in and out of the driver's side without that.

7/27/96 -- My nerve surgeon ordered another brace for me, and I went today to pick it up. It is kinda like a thin (but sturdy) plastic boot, that covers the bottom of my foot and the back of my calf. It's purpose is to keep my leg to foot angle at about 90 degrees, so my foot doesn't just hang there. Doesn't seem worth the $100. Good thing for insurance. Anyway, I wore it all day, and it makes my foot more comfortable, but because it's hard (but flexible) plastic, it leaves indentations in my skin. I might put a cloth (sock?) under it tomorrow.
Boy it's great being able to drive now. I was able to drive myself to get the brace today.
I'm working on stretching my ligaments to give me full motion, so when I start physical therapy I'm ready.
I can now leave my foot down, i.e. sit in a chair without my foot raised, for longer periods of time. It gets uncomfortable, but I actually sat through a movie in a movie theater today with my leg down.

7/31/96 -- When I watch the Olympics, it seems strange that they run so well and that both legs are strong. Pretty silly, eh?
I tripped last night, but I was able to get my crutches in front of me before I fell. They hit the floor with a thud, which stopped my fall, but gave my hands a buzz.
I'm working on stretching my repairing leg. I can only bend it to about a 90 degree angle, but I push my leg to get it to where I'll be able to bend it onder my thigh. I think the therapy starts in 2 weeks, so I want to have it somewhat ready by then. Last Updated: August 6, 1996

8/1/96 -- YEEHAH! and OUCH!! Yesterday my nerve surgeon called and said I can start putting weight on my repairing leg, trying to walk on it. So I did last night, and I have been today. After practicing all day, even though the leg is very week and kinda wobbly, I can now walk across my house without crutches (very slowly!). My wife was thrilled in that it actually looks like progress. I went out front and took my brace off so my wife could take photos of my leg. Now is probably what will be it's weakest point, since I can now start to build it back up through walking. Feels great, even though it hurts because I'm straining the muscles and ligaments to get them back into shape.
I'll still need my crutches for a while, until my leg is sturdy. Yesterday the foot wore off of one of the crutches, and for 1/2 a day I was walking on wood. Talk about slippery! I was glad I found a surgical supply store that had replacements, and the new shoes are better than before.
I had an appointment this morning with my nerve surgeon. He filled out a form to give me a 90 day handicap parking auto tag (which I had picked up at the tag agency), so afterwards I went and got the tag. That'll help, since I can drive on my own now.
He said that even if my nerve never comes back, my other muscles will eliminate the swelling. I was glad to hear that! He said the most critical muscle for pushing blood back to the heart is the large muscle on the back of my calf.
Boy, walking with crutches tonight was exhilarating! Gee, I almost felt like running! But, alas, I'm only barely limping along. Soon, though, eh?

8/2/96 -- The other day I accidently stepped on my big toe on my repairing leg with my crutch. It sure seemed like that should've hurt, but it didn't. I'm not sure if being numb is an advantage or a disadvantage.
Instead of taking a bath this morning, I was able to shower. First time since I injured my leg. It was a little wobbly, but it went okay.
Ya know your reaction when you see a limo drive by? "Hey, I wonder who's in there! Probably some celebrity!" How about your reaction when you see a handicap sticker on a car? "That person is crippled. I wonder what happened?" It feels kinda funny driving now with a handicap tag hanging from my rearview mirror, soliciting those thoughts.
Something that we men cannot fully appreciate, is the danger that women feel in a dark parking lot at night. In the same way, elderly feel vulernable in their homes. Well, I have been able lately to appreciate somewhat how they feel. If my family or home is ever attacked, I feel almost powerless to do anything, whereas before I didn't have that. I'm now vulnerable. I guess this is where you just trust God to take care of things.

8/6/96 -- Two days ago, Sunday, my leg felt good, so I spent most of the day walking (very slowly!) without crutches. This included a trip to the hardware store with my son, and fixing a few small things around the house. I had just fallen into the Weekend Warrior syndrome -- Monday morning my leg was really sore. So... all of Monday I stayed on crutches. Today (Tuesday) I'll mix it up a little, but still will use mostly crutches.
It was a little strange going into the hardware store, with my brace and big limp. Almost every person in there noticed me. I felt the feeling of an invalid. I also, in a very remote way, felt how famous people must feel, not being able to go anywhere without people noticing or causing a commotion. Now that would be a pain!

8/9/96 -- I'm back walking without crutches again today. At least short distances, anyway. We'll see how it goes -- so far so good. What concerns me is that when I do have pain, it is on the right side, in front, not where the surgery was. The doctors avoided doing any work on the inside of my knee, because that would have been too traumatic for the recovery. I'm wondering if there is still damage there, and if they'll have to do more surgery later.
Boy, I sure hope my nerve eventually repairs. I have quite a dramatic limp, not being able to lift my foot when I walk. Hey, at least one concern is over -- I was actually wondering if after surgery whether my legs would still be the same length. They are.

8/14/96 -- I went to see my knee doctor today. He gave me prescriptions, one to start physical therapy, and the other to get a new knee brace. The one I have now slides down my leg when I walk, and it's not really a walking brace. The new one will be like a sports brace. He also said they make spring loaded foot braces to bring my drop foot up, but I can't wear both braces at the same time. He said concentrate on swimming and biking, and that I shouldn't plan to play tennis for a long time. Wasn't too thrilled about that.
I still cannot believe this has happened to me. I mentally don't feel any different.
Over the weekend I tried to dig up a 10 feet tall oak tree out of the woods, to transplant it. I'm not done digging. I got pretty exhausted. It's hard to do with my weak leg.
I'm walking most places without crutches now. I've gone to several stores without them, and came into work today without them.
The swelling has improved a lot, because my muscles are getting stronger. I'm wondering how much longer I'll need to use the recliner to work in.
I'm sure I'll be playing tennis before a year, even if it's just hitting against the wall.

8/15/96 -- Ya know what has been the worst, or should I say the most painful moment in this process? The catheter in the hospital. 'nuf said.
It seems like I would feel more normal at this point if I didn't have the drop foot. I said to my wife that other people who hurt their knee don't have to deal with this. She said you didn't sjut hurt your knee -- you hurt your nerves, and there's other folks who injured nerves who have it a lot worse. Funny how my emotions are mixed over it sure could be worse, but it sure could be better. I haven't been doing any of the "What if..." or "If only I'd...", thinking about how things would be different. But would I trade what happened? I was thinking about that the other night. Hey, God could have kept me from this injury, so He allowed it for some good reasons. Should I try to second guess Him?
At this point, my muscles are a little sore from exercising them more. What actually hurts the worst is (get this) the front of my toes just in front of where my callouses have been. Because I can't lift my toes when I walk, they rub there, and it really hurts. Even with sandals on, the toes rub on them. So I'm wearing socks, or walking on smooth surfaces like tile. I walked down our driveway barefoot yesterday and the toes hurt!
When my wife was pregnant with our first child, we heard all the stories about how a child will change your life. Well, we were determined to be different. We were ready to continue with a lot of our activities, despite the child. Ha. Just as a child changes your life (I wouldn't trade it for the world!), my injury has changed my life. I often am determined to not let it be, but then reality sets in. I'm still not sure what I'll be able to do when my leg gets limber and strong again. But, I hope that I never let myself be less that I can be.
I told someone yesterday that it's a good thing I recently got that multi-year football contract, hurt or playing. ( ;-) just kidding!)

8/16/96 -- I still have the medication, but I don't take it very often now. Most of the discomfort now is just my muscles, etc. trying to get used to walking aagin. That's about the same as doing a good workout. Doesn't seem like I should be taking medicine for that. There is still a little swelling, but it's not much.
I'm amazed I haven't fallen since I've been injured. When I was using the crutches, they'd either slip on wet floors or catch on something throwing me off balance. Now, with my drop foot, if I don't lift my leg high enough my toe catches and I stumble. I've tripped plenty of times, but haven't actually fallen (something symbolic in that, eh?).

8/20/96 -- I finally got the call to start the physical therapy. It starts tomorrow. Everyone warns me of the coming pain. We'll see...
2 days ago I tried to ride my bicycle, but when I was pumping up the tire it blew. I tried to ride my wife's bike, but it was too low so I couldn't bend my knee that much. Yesterday I replaced the inner tube on my bike, and rode it about 1/2 mile. I could only keep my heel on the pedal, and it was a little sore, but it felt great -- I felt like Rocky!
I haven't used the crutches in about 4 days now. What freedom to be able to walk without them, albeit very slow.
A few nights ago I tried to go the night without medicine, and was awake for much of the night. So I don't skip the medicine at night yet.

8/23/96 -- I started physical therapy 2 days ago, and go again today. Everyone has warned of the pain. Well, what they do is stretch you until there is too much pain. So how much pain can I stand? I don't know, but I want to repair quickly, so I hope I can put up with a lot. There are 3 types of activities -- stretches, workouts, and electrical stimulus. For that last one, they place pads on certain muscles and crank up the machine. It vibrates like crazy to flex the muscles, to improve strength. That's another one, where they crank it up until you can't stand the pain. Fun, eh?
Yesterday I went to get my final brace, a type that I can wear walking or playing sports. Turns out I konw the owner of the place real well, and he personally fitted me, and gave me a tour of the place. Fascinating! The primary work there is to custom fit braces for amputees. The plaster workers are true artists, molding the cast for the plastic mold to fit properly, to be comfortable, and to perform the needed task. For example, while I was there they were building a support for a person who was amputated at the belly button. My friend said there have only been 25 of these in history, and they came to him because he is one of the few that know how to build that type of cast. Anyway, he gave me my new brace -- much better! It's lighter, more comfortable, and more flexible than my previous one.
Last night I shot some baskets, and rode my bike. I've been riding a few miles at a time the last couple of days. Every day is easier. But shooting baskets, when I'd miss, I couldn't run to keep the ball from rolling far away. So, I got in a little extra walking!
My friend at the brace center said he's been in the business 25 years, and he's never seen anyone with drop foot fully recover their movement in the foot. Sigh. But, hey, maybe I can be different. Either way I'll do the best I can.

8/26/96 -- My leg was a bit stiff over the weekend. It's not used to all this workout. I went to physical therapy this morning, and both the strength and flexibility have improved from last week.
I tried again to sleep without my medication, and about 4 in the morning I couldn't sleep because of the discomfort, so I took it again.
One of the pains with drop foot is I keep tripping. It's so hard to get my foot out of the way. Or even to get in a comfortable position, I have to lift my whole leg instead of just the foot. I think it will improve as my leg gets stronger.
I walked about 2 miles with the kids over the weekend, and my leg didn't get sore, so I probably won't be using my handicap sticker any more. But, gosh, it's so convenient!
I found out my brace can go in fresh or salt water. Hey, I can go water skiing!

8/29/96 -- My fortieth birthday was 2 days ago. My wife got me a cane with a rearview mirror and a honking horn, and my folks got me a shirt that says something like "40 years old -- needs parts!" I probably wouldn't feel 40 if not for the injury. It still is hard to believe it happened, and the state I'm in. Even though physical therapy is helping me improve, the improvements are little, and my knee is still very weak.
Last week at physical therapy they tested my quadriceps (upper thigh muscles) in both legs. My right leg test out at 20-24, while my left leg tested at 2.5. Yes, I've got some work to do.
Yesterday's workout was pretty tough -- hard biking for 5 minutes, then run (well, fast walk) backwards up hill, then sets of 15 on various Nautilus-type equipment.
I work on the third floor, and have been taking the stairs to and from work. It's not too bad, but slow.
My 8 year old daughter is taking tennis lessons, and after watching her I was ready to go hit against the wall. My leg just isn't sturdy enough. It appears my lateral collateral (left knee) ligaments are not attached, probably because they would have been in the way of my knee surgery. So my knee is real solid in all directions, except it buckles to the left. My brace is to keep it from buckling too far when I'm pushing hard. It may buckle while walking, but not much.

8/30/96 -- I got a really inspirational message from someone at work -- "Don't be psyched by (the) negative ... One can always achieve the so-called impossible. That's what the record books are for."
I had to laugh during physical therapy today. On my left leg, they had electric nerve stim on my lower leg, quad muscle stim on my upper leg, and ice packs on the top and bottom of my knee. Talk about sensation overload!
They told me today that my lower leg slides too much toward the front, and way too much to the left. They said it will probably always be that way (of course, unless I have more surgery). That means my ACL is still not doing all it should, and my lateral collaterals is probably not connected (as I mentioned earlier). They said I would just have to get used to working with an unstable knee.
They decided to stop the nerve stim, because I have 0% response (i.e. my muscles at those points are paralyzed).

9/3/96 -- I've been walking a lot on my leg recently, so it's been stiff. But it's feeling a lot stronger. The physcail therapists want me to get an AFO foot brace to keep my foot up, which has a Solaflex-like band to allow me to have a walking motion. The other day I picked up two rubber roof rack tie-down bands, hooking one end of each to my brace and the other end to my shoe. Hey, it kept my foot up, and allowed me to walk! I'll have to work on a more permanent solution.
Yesterday my son stopped in front of me, and I tripped over him. It was a feat to fall and not land on him, and not twist my knee. I think I twisted my ankle, but it's hard to tell since I can't feel it.
I tried jogging in the house. I kinda can do it, if I high step. My leg really isn't strong enough for that yet.

9/5/96 -- I saw my nerve surgeon today. He said I have over 50% chance of getting some movement back where I've lost it, but it may take 2 years. I guess I better get used to it being this way!
Yesterday the physical therapists said my patella (knee cap) seems to be in position except that it has tilt, which means it sets off center towards the outside. This should cause pain when I squat or step, but since that area is partially paralyzed, it doesn't hurt much. Gee, is that a blessing or a curse?
Yesterday I hit some tennis balls against a wall. Boy, it felt great, and I was able to hit some good shots, but it was also frustrating that I couldn't get to the ball on some simple shots. I used to be able to get to almost anything.
Overall my mental attitude had been good, but there are still moments of frustration and disbelief. They are only brief, but they do pop up. Hey, I replanted a tree the other day, so I can still do most household chores.
Sometimes I think I'm close to walking normal, and then I walk next to someone who isn't walking fast, and they easily outpace me. Well, I'll be going to the "amputee and brace" place tomorrow to get fitted for a special AFO that will keep my drop foot up, but give me some flexibility. It has a Solaflex-like band.

9/7/96 -- Man, they worked me hard in physical therapy yesterday. But, hey, it's worth it! I can tell my leg is getting stronger.
I went swimming for the first time today, in a pool where I could to laps. I did a few (I was with the family). It was a strange feeling, because I could feel all that wasn't right with my leg. My ankle was stiff, and my knee didn't have power, and my knee didn't bend easily. Good thing that a lot of that I will get back over time.
I went to the amputee and brace center yesterday, that my friend owns. He took a cast of my lower left leg, to fit me for a special AFO brace, that will allow me to walk more normal, and will keep my foot up. He said I'd be able to wear normal shoes with it, but I'd have to tear out the support cushion in the shoe. I'm looking forward to getting it in about a week.

9/11/96 -- When I saw my nerve surgeon last week, he commented how he had sutured my long incision underneath to minimize the scar, and sometimes is closes nicely, and sometimes not. My didn't -- it stretched, so the width of the scar is more than he had hoped for. That's okay -- once the redness goes away, it won't be that noticable.
I saw my knee surgeon today. He said my lateral (left side) ligaments don't seem to be too bad, but his biggest concern is my ACL. He can grab under my knee and pull my leg forward some. That's why I wear an ACL brace. He also said my knee should be okay to try to jog, if my muscles are ready for that. It doesn't feel ready, at least to go very far!
They tested my strength at physical therapy today. The readout was that my left quads (upper thigh) are about 50% of my right leg, and my hamstrings (calf) are about 62%. Well, I'm coming along, but I still have a ways to go. I'm taking the stairs all the time at work now to build them up.
My knee surgeon encouraged me to do exercises at home as well as physical therapy.
The special AFO brace should be here in a few days. I'm looking forward to seeing how much that will keep me from limping, and how it will feel trying to run with it.
Today my physical therapist asked what happened to my leg. I looked to see what he was referring to. My leg has become somewhat chapped and dry where my paralyzed muscles are, because the lack of muscle movement has limited blood flow, and it is not being lubricated like it would if the muscles were active. My knee surgeon felt good about my chances of getting movement back. It so wierd - sometimes it seems like I'll always have the drop foot, and sometimes it seems like it might come back. Either way, I won't really know for maybe 2 years. He did say that when it happens, the ankle movement will come before the toes, because that is the muscle group that will be reached by the nerve first.

9/16/96 -- Last time I saw my nerve surgeon, he looked at my long scar and commented that, when sutured underneath the skin, sometimes you can hardly see the scar, and sometimes it stretches, and you never know what you are going to get. Mine stretched, so the scar is wider than he had hoped for. Oh well...
Jogging in the house feels better, but my knee knida hurts when I do that, so I can't go very far. My speed is a little better.
THe last visit to physical therapy they started me on electrically simulating my hamstrings (under my thigh). Turns out my hamstrings are weak, too. Surprise, eh? This one hurts more than the quads stim.
I really need that new AFO brace to lift my foot. Now when I sleep it bothers me enough that I wear my old off-the-shelf AFO, even though it doesn't fit that good, because it's better than the discomfort of letting my foot hang. Doesn't seem like that should be uncomfortable, but it is. When I sit I even try to keep my foot under me, so the ankle keeps bent, so I can be comfortable. Looking forward to tomorrow, when I get the new AFO.

9/22/96 -- Terrific! I got the new AFO brace. It fits inside my tennis shoes (after you tear out the cushion), and they custom fit it so it fits below my knee brace. The great thing about it is that now I can almost walk normal -- heal, toe. Now I have to practice my gate, so my walk looks more normal. At first I was slapping my foot on the ground, but I learned I could press on the heel first. Then, I still limped a lot, before I realized I need to spend more time during each step on that foot.
THe two braces were starting to pinch and bruise my skin between the two, so now I wear long soccer socks, and I don't have that problem. In fact, yesterday I played a set a tennis with my wife, and was able to play okay. (I won 6-4, but she's getting pretty good!) My leg muscles are still very weak, so it's still hard to move quickly. But the braces helped a lot.
We tried putting the electrical stim on the paralyzed muscles, and they contracted! The only problem I have is I don't have electrical connection (i.e. nerve) to them, so I can't do it normlally. So this week they actually contracted for the first time since the injury. This way I can keep them used on occassion, in case I can ever "talk" to them again, and it helps my blood flow. The lack of blood flow has dried up the skin by those muscles, so this will help get that back.
My primary physical therapist has been an intern, who finished at that location on Friday, so my assigned PT will take over next week.
My wife and I went for a 2 mile walk on the beach (without either brace!) over the weekend. It's kinda wierd how I have to step, but the water and sand felt great.
My leg still hurts and is uncomfortable a lot. I guess that's mostly from working it out pretty hard.

9/28/96 -- I play tennis a few days ago, 2 sets, against a player who is much better than me (and would have been even before my injury). I played okay, but it was obviously hard to get to balls, and I hit a lot of shots off balance. My knee didn't bother me then, nor the following days. But when I (sheepishly?) mentioned it to my physical therapist, he kinda laughed, but then told me the danger, from his own personal experience. He's had about 7 surgeries on his knees, the first years ago. He's now only 2 years older than I am (he's 42). Whenever you push a weak knee, and mine is weaker than his ever was, your body repairs itself by building up where it was damaged. Any areas I have where the bones rub will repair by building slightly more bone. Over the years this will develop into arthritis. He said if I push it too much, I'll have a 65-year old's knee in 5 years. Great. Again, a little more discouraging news. Man, I really messed my knee up. After thinking about it, I'll still play, but not regularly, and I'll be careful how aggressive I play. Good thing both my meniscus (cartilage) in my knee seem to be in good shape, but there is some bone-to-bone rubbing of my patella (knee cap) on the other bones.
I went to the Universal Studios theme park (here in Orlando) today -- our company sponsored us at discounted prices, and fed us lunch. I was able to walk the entire day without discomfort, besides the normal "I'm tired that was a lot of walking" kind of tired. We were there 9 hours. A lot of folks from work kiddingly suggested I should have gone in a wheelchair to get first-in-line access on the rides. Hey, I'm healthy enough to walk for miles, so I can walk the theme parks. But what hit me was watching the various folks who really needed wheelchairs, and thinking, hey, I'm doing great, I can walk for miles with no discomfort, and those poor folks have no choice. No, no wheelchair for me boy, I'm walking! Any one guy about 20 had no hand, but had a plastic one he was using. But I still struggle when I see someone run effortlessly, that I can't. When my wife was looking for me, and I saw her heading in the wrong direction, I couldn't run to catch her -- I had to send my 8 year old daughter to do it. But I'm okay. Really. I still don't get depressed, and rarely discouraged. I just keep going!
Last night I had to run to the store about 10 P.M. I had all my braces off, so I threw on some sandles and drove over there. Without my braces, I have a very pronounced limp, since I have to throw my foot. I was embarrassed as I walked through the store, trying hard to walk as normal as I could. Nobody says anything, but most notice. I don't really feel embarrassed to be the way I am, but sometimes it seems like I should be able to be normal, but I can't. Glad I have my AFO brace to help me to walk normal (when I have it on!).
My physical therapy runs out after one more session. Then comes the REALLY hard part -- continuing to exercise without someone making me accountable.

10/11/96 -- I travelled out of town last week to a seminar. For the flight up I wore long pants and no knee brace. Plus I wore a pair of shoes I'd not worn since my injury. The AFO ankle brace didn't fit well in the shoe, so my foot was extremely sore the whole trip. I even took my brace and shoe off on the plane. My knee was sore that night after carrying all that luggage. The trip home I wore shorts and the knee brace, and my tennis shoes I'd been wearing. Much more comfortable!
During the trip I played wallyball (volleyball in a raquetball court). Since I wore my knee brace during that, it was pretty comfortable. I wore long pants most of the week, with no knee brace, and it did okay, but it was a little sore at the end.
The other day my little boy and girl (the youngest) had their rollerskates on. Well, at about the same time he stepped on my left foot, and she banged into my right. Those are my 2 paralzed areas, so I hardly felt it. I was thinking, gosh, I betcha that hurt, or at least that SHOULD have hurt, but it didn't.
My final official physical therapy session was today, so now I'm on my own. They "graduated" me today (I got a free t-shirt with the hospital's name on it). They tested my strength and flexibility and said I'd made really good progress. In fact, they said I was an inspiration. I can't tell if I really am, or if they just say that to encourage folks. Anyway, it worked. This weekend I'll have to figure how to continue with the workouts on my own. I'll probably look for a stationary bike.
I've been wearing long pants and no brace to work this week for the first time. My patella (knee cap) is pretty sore today, and I can't tell if it's because of that. Good thing it's Friday, so I can wear the brace this weekend.
Some friends are going to play a light game of tag football tomorrow. I'm tempted to go and try to play quarterback, but I probably shouldn't, so I probably won't. That might be pushing the danger level a little too much.

10/17/96 -- I've been at work for about 2 weeks now without my knee brace. It's become more obvious to me how weak my muscles are in my left leg, and how unstable my left knee is. It's difficult to take the stairs, but I do, to gain strength. It concerns me that this may be close to my permanent state, but I still think when my muscles get full strength it will be more stable. I still have a hard time just balancing on my left leg. The good thing is that my practicing to walk normal (keeping my hips the same height, and taking my steps the same distance) must be paying off, because I've had many people tell me that my walk is almost normal now. But that's only when my knee isn't bothering me. Sometimes by the end of the day it's pretty sore, and that is primarily only my patella (knee cap).
I think I'm going to have a hard time finding time for rehab on my own. I bombed this week, hardly doing any exercise. I'll just have to schedule it -- that's the only way! It was easy when I was able to miss work for my physical therapy.
My skin is still very dry where I've lost muscle on my left leg. I hope once my muscles get strong I'll get better circulation, so that goes away.
I still can't run -- the impact hurts too much, and my muscles can't support it. I've gotten better with my hop/skip.
I've always been fairly coordinated, but now I often feel like a klutz. Since I can't move my left leg easily, I'll bump walls, trip, lose my balance. God loves humility -- I hope I'm becoming more what He wants me to be. I've really come to understand better some of the hardships people face, even if very different than mine. I still fight the battle of how well off am I -- I see little kids climb better than I can, yet I see people much worse off than I. I'm really doing okay. I feel strong and very healthy, so I'm doing okay!

11/3/96 -- I ran into my physical therapist at the Gator Bowl recently. I was wearing my brace, and he said I didn't really need to do that just for walking, even though it was a lot of walking. While we were talking, he marvelled at how badly my leg had been injured, commenting that it was the worst knee injury he'd seen in 20 years. The only others he'd seen that bad were one guy who was in a car accident, and the other was a pro football player. Hey, that was not an award I wanted to win!
It's kinda weird when I walk sometimes. I don't where my knee brace for just walking, but it feels like my leg slides around. It causes pain sometimes. It feels like my patella (knee cap) is hitting my lower leg bone without much cushion. I wonder if I'll ever be able to run close to normal. I can almost catch my 3 year old boy now with my hop/skip running technique. He's always asking me to chase him!

11/10/96 -- Today at our church picnic I played football with a couple of the guys and some younger kids (12-14 yeras olds?). On offense I only quarterbacked, but on defense I got stuck playing defensive back. Needless to say I got burned a few times. BUT, I did knock down a few passes. Long arms, I guess.
And then this afternoon I went roller skating with my family at a YMCA Indian Princesses (father-daughter organization) function. It was really hard, because my left leg was weak and not stable. I almost had to learn to skate from scratch again. I must have looked like a beginner. My wife was nervous, because I didn't wear any brace while I skated. Well, I didn't fall (good thing!), and I survived. I even helped my 2 little ones on the rink for the first time. By the end of the 2 hours I was able to go around at a little speed, but it was a struggle.
I'm determined to start my training program this week. We'll see...

11/19/96 -- I've started feeling like I can run for a few steps, without pain. I also was able to quick-step up the stairs. This is encouraging, because this means I might be able to run again. At times, I wonder if I'll be able to. I'd like to be able to run a 5K (3.1 mile) again.
The knee still kinda slides out of place when I don't stand on it right, but it doesn't feel like it is being strained.
Last Saturday, with my brace on, I spent most of the day helping someone move into their new house. I was able to carry okay, but the heavier stuff I had to move slowly, because I don't yet have the balance like I should.

12/2/96 -- About a week ago I finally started running, albeit only the length of 4-5 houses. But I was able to land on my week leg. The other night I ran it twice, and my leg was too sore to finish the second trip. But at least it gives me hope that I can run again. I raced my 3 year old boy, and was able to keep up with him (barely!).
Over the weekend I was barefoot, and stubbed my toe (since it hangs down). It's turned black & blue.
I saw my nerve surgeon this morning. He tapped with his finger to see how far my nerve repair is coming along. He then took a needle and poked me a few times to test my feeling, and there was some improvement. Then I noticed it bleeding where he poked, and I said, "Hey, it's bleeding!" He said, "Yah, I poked you with a needle." "Oh." Last night as I was thinking of this appointment, I was a bit discouraged, because it seemed to me that my nerve hadn't improved at all in the past few months, so I thought that what I have is what I'm going to be left with. Which is okay, but I still wanted hope for improvement. Well, the visit gave me hope again, so maybe I will get some movement back. Still a long way to go.
The toe nails on my bad foot have turned somewhat yellow. My nerve surgeon said that is normal, and is from fungus (lovely, eh?). He said to soak my foot in bleach regularly to kill it.
My nerve surgeon also said my foot doesn't drop far. That's a good sign, because that means that even though I can't stimulate my muscles, all the support in my leg seems to be in good shape. That will be good if I ever get nerve stimulus there again.
I don't sleep with my AFO brace (ankly brace) anymore. It appears my muscles, etc. have gotten used to the foot drop.
When I take stairs now, I can almost run up them. Slowly but surely...

12/11/96 -- Well, I haven't been doing very good on taking time to work out to build my leg. It's so hard to find time for this. As soon as I get home I have 3 children needing lots of attention (and I'm glad to give it!). But, it still feels like it's getting stronger. I can go up the stairs fairly quickly now.
I can do most things around the house now. Monday I had a vacation day, and I put up the Christmas lights, moved 3-4 cords of firewood, and mowed the yard. But I was put to the test, when I tried to get on the roof. Our new home has a steeper pitch, and no easy access. I first tried with a 6 foot ladder. The roof was at my waste. Too far to climb. I then tried with an 8 foot ladder, and got on the roof. But, with nothing to hold onto, it was a very precarious situation, so I managed to get back onto the ladder. Barely.
Sometimes I get frustrated, when I walk around the house barefoot, because I have to lift my left leg higher so I don't trip. But I don't always get it high enough, and I trip and stub my toes. One turned black & blue from tripping.
Sometimes it helps to put life in perspective. I was telling a friend who I hadn't seen in a year about my injury, and once again became thankful that I didn't lose my leg. I'm really quite healthy and strong, so my leg injury is relatively minor. Another thing that put things in perspective was seeing a friend who lost his only daughter, 20 years old, in a car accident 6 months ago, then lost his only son, 18, this past weekend, in a car accident. I have a terrific family, a good job, a nice house, good friends, a good God, and good health. The leg injury is minor.

12/21/96 -- I heard something encouraging a few days ago. We had the carpets cleaned in our house (3 kids, remember?). The guy cleaning it several years ago happened to be at the scene when one of those madmen pulled out a gun and started shooting everybody. He was hit in arm, and a nerve was injured similar to the way mine was in my leg. Like my drop foot, he had a drop wrist. He could push down, but not pull up. He needed a nerve transplant, and they pulled a nerve out of his leg, probably the same one they pulled out of mine. He said one day after about 1 1/2 years, all of a sudden he could move his hand slightly. It then kept improving, so it is practically normal today. Hey, that's great hope for me!
I got an e-mail from one of my former physical therapists. He said he enjoyed working with me because I worked hard at the therapy. That strikes me as odd, because I didn't think I was working hard enough. I guess I just read about the pro sports guys with injuries, and how hard they work during rehab. I sure could be doing more. But I'm still making progress. It feels like I can walk stronger and faster than I have been. I keep jogging for several dozen yards, and it feels like my leg is getting stronger. I still can't pull my ankle against my thigh without pain. I need to continue to work to stretch that. But we had a friend's 8-year old boy over, and I had a pretty good wrestling bout with him without me knee hurting. Hey, I'm used to wresting with my 3-year old, so it was tough!! :-)

12/27/96 -- A few days ago we went to a YMCA park with a few families, and one of the guys and I were shooting some basketball. My leg has been feeling pretty strong. Well, stronger, at least. While we were shooting, 4 guys asked us to play a game of 3-on-3. I told them I couldn't play well with my injury, and they said that's okay, they couldn't play that well either. We played for about 15 minutes, and I was, amazingly, able to play. But then I took a step hard and my ankle brace (AFO) broke -- both pieces! The upper piece lost a chip about the size of a quarter, and the lower piece received a 4 inch crack. I had to stop playing cuz I din't have good support then. I brought the brace to the brace shop yesterday (where I got mine, which is also where they custom make them). They took my current brace to make a mold for a new one. When I picked up my old one today, so I can wear it as is until next week when the new one is ready, I talked to one of the technicians regarding my brace. He said the crack was extremely unusual -- he's seen it happen once or twice, and they've probably made thousands of them. He said it wan't anything I had done. I wonder. I suppose if it happens again I'll know! When I told this to my wife, both she and I wondered, since the severity of my injury and this cracked brace were both from landing hard and pushing hard. I don't think my legs are THAT powerful, but it's interesting since it's happened twice!
Since I've been without my AFO for 2 days, I've had to walk, throwing my drop foot, so I don't trip. And still I trip some. But with this, I have a severe limp. I didn't realize how much that brace has been helping, even though I only wear it in public (I usually take it off in my house). It's pretty embarrassing. With this limp I feel handicapped -- with the brace I don't feel it near as much. I'm sure others wonder, as I go in public, what's wrong with my leg, as I would if I saw such a limp.
My leg has been feeling better, almost like a normal leg. I can see pretty good definition in my quad muscles now. When my leg was so weak, I didn't appreciate not having it amputated as much as I do now, because I'm getting back to normal, somewhat. I still have swelling and discomfort, but usually if I've been giving it a workout. These past 2 days have made it sore, because my foot just hangs without the brace.

8/11/2000 -- Well, a lot has happened since I kept this diary. My left leg is still paralyzed, in that I cannot lift my foot or toes, or flex the main muscle on the front of my lower leg.
BUT, I can do most anything I could before. I've snow skiied, water skiied (slalom), run 5K races, and played touch football, basketball, soccer, and tennis. I can still juggle the soccer ball in the air with both feet, and I'm playing some of the best tennis I've ever played.
For sports, I only wear an ankle brace (with plastic inserts), which fits inside my sneaker. I still wear the AFO brace to work, which fits inside my shoe. I have not worn my knee brace in a year or two. My knee seems to have heeled very well.
I thank God for allowing my leg to be spared (not amputated), and for allowing me to continue in most activities as before, although somewhat slower. I know God works the best out for those who love Him (Romans 8:28).